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I used to have a horrible gambling problem A man dies and goes to hell He is standing there terrified when the devil shows up.
Do you like gambling? After years of gambling, an unlucky gambler finally figures out the way to leave Las Vegas with a small fortune.
He goes to Las Vegas with a large fortune. Why is the Dalai Lama suffering from a gambling addiction? Because he loves Tibet. Why did the Dalai Lama download the gambling app?
He'd heard they had an introductory offer that would make it Free Tibet. A man is panhandling outside a casino in Las Vegas He approaches a well-dressed couple, thinking they have some cash, and says, "Please, could you spare ten dollars?
You see, my wife is sick and needs an operation. Gambling with Blondes There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane.
The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him. The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds.
He told her that every time she could not answer his Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet Because I lost my car in poker last night. Alanis sets out to Vegas on her annual gambling trip.
On arrival, she heads straight to her usual Blackjack table, where she's greeted by the croupier, "Welcome back Mrs. The usual loan, I assume?
The croupier asks, "Same again, Mrs. Why Don't vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.
Good long one this! One day an old man got a call from the FBI. So on Monday he walks to the office and the assistant I am not a gambling addict.
The fucking thing collapsed. Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published. During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day.
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right? My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. A blondie goes to the casino A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk.
She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude. The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?
Too many cheetahs. A man is panhandling outside a casino in Las Vegas He approaches a well-dressed couple, thinking they have some cash, and says, "Please, could you spare ten dollars?
You see, my wife is sick and needs an operation. In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory. At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.
A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.
The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil Thanks to COVID both churches and casinos have closed When heaven and hell both agree on something, you know it's serious!
A high roller. I lost pounds. Never going to another British casino again The Lucky Frog A man goes golfing and notices a frog in the green at the first hole.
He turns back to his ball and prepares to swing a A Southern minister began preaching to his congregation about sin "I know you've sinned, brothers, I want to hear you confess your sins so that you may be forgiven.
Tell it all, brothers, tell it all! I been going out on Friday nights and drinkin' with my sorry friends. A girl named Jennie went to the casino.
J-J-J-Jennie and the Bets. How do you get out of a casino as a millionaire? You go in as a billionaire. What do you call a dressed up yeti at the casino?
A tie bettin' yeti. A man is playing poker, and sees a sign that says: If You Have A Gambling Problem call GAMBLING.
So the man calls the hotline and says, "The guy on my right has an ace and a two, I have a three and a jack, there is a four, a five, and a queen on the table, what should I do?
A man goes into a bar, and he looks like a complete bum. He sits down and asks for a bottle of brandy. The bartender says" I am going to have to see some money first".
The bartender Q: Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? A: You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
Q: What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? A: In about ten years, the dog quits whining. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card and ID, his address, et cetera but to no avail.
One year later the bitcoiner, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. He went to the front of the casino to get a cab back to the airport.
At the end of a long line of cabs he saw the driver who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
Get the hell out of my cab. The bitcoiner got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
As they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up to each driver. I once gave up women, drinking and gambling… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil. The only business in the world bigger than gambling is religion…but gambling is not nearly so corrupt.
HE WAS ON A ROLL! A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
Gambling in Vegas My friend came back from Las Vegas once. What does an Irish terrorist attack and a gambling addiction have in common?
My girlfriend says she's going to leave me because I have a gambling problem But I think she's bluffing. I don't understand Christians They say that gambling is wrong, but they bet their entire life on there being a heaven.
What's gambling like in heaven? It's a pair-a-dice. My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads.
He has a serious gambling problem. My friends say I have a gambling addiction I bet I don't. I became addicted to gambling when I visited the Himalayas What can I say?
I like Tibet. How do you stop a gambling addict from gambling? Make a bet. They won't refuse. Why did the Necromancer with a gambling problem get kicked out of the Slaughterhouse He kept raising the steaks.
Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet Because I lost my car in poker last night. My gambling addiction must be getting out of hand because I've just lost my wife in a game of poker